Teen Sex 411
My daughter had her prime time debut last night on Katie Couric's teen sex special. There's a little picture of her in People magazine, too, with Ms. Couric. The show wasn't quite as wild as Maia hoped it would be; not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. (The previews were terrifying . . . like WHAT did I get my kid into?!)
The big news is that some teenagers have sex. Almost 3 in 10 kids ages 13-15 & about half of kids 16-18 are sexually active, according to their "landmark national poll." (Am I the only one who isn't aghast?)
Maia's shocker was to tell the nation that oral sex is the new "third base."
Since I don't remember what the old third base was, I guess I didn't find this as alarming as I was supposed to.
And, alas, Maia's impassioned defense of rap music didn't make the edit.
So wraps our big adventure with NBC.
The big news is that some teenagers have sex. Almost 3 in 10 kids ages 13-15 & about half of kids 16-18 are sexually active, according to their "landmark national poll." (Am I the only one who isn't aghast?)
Maia's shocker was to tell the nation that oral sex is the new "third base."
Since I don't remember what the old third base was, I guess I didn't find this as alarming as I was supposed to.
And, alas, Maia's impassioned defense of rap music didn't make the edit.
So wraps our big adventure with NBC.
posted by Contact at 8:09 AM
7 Comments:
maia definitely seemed like the coolest girl there. as did you!
I was like "what was the old third base?" I am the same age as some of those parents. The mom I watched it with was sure that the numbers are higher than 3 in 10.
Shoot, Annette and Frankie are not accurate portrayals of my teenage dating life in the 80's.
hey hey, I got this friend, see, his name's Jack Seybold. He's helping me get a story published and mentioned your zine. cowinkidink-blogger...you get what im getting at. Get back to me if you get it. and slap me when you do for saying get so many times.
I've got an almost 14 y/o and have close relationships with a lot of his friends and other teens in our close-knit community of homeschoolers. All the teens I know well are very protected by their parents and community from the realities most teens face. For the most part, the teens in our group are in no hurry to grow up; few of them who are of age are driving, dating or working. The seem really content to live in this moment of true youth (except my son, who is totally into girls to the extent that I'm afraid he's turning into a lothario!).
I've got a question about the whole "everybody's doing it" oral sex attitude. When I read something along the lines of "oral sex is the new 'third base'" I wonder if this is mututal gratification or, as I suspect, the girls going down on the boys and the girls sexual desires denied. If I learned it was mutual satisfaction, I would feel a lot better about it than I do thinking it's all about male power and female submission. Anyone have any thoughts?
Fifteen years ago I was a fifteen year old. (Okay, a sixteen year old.) Back then, oral sex was mutual between me and my partner. With later partners I didn't feel as close with, it would be me doing it to him because I didn't feel comfortable/didn't want it done to me at that point by that person. Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy doing it for someone else. Spare me the whole "male sexuality as male dominance" bullshit, please.
I know this post is old, and I'm not sure why I am reading these comments, but Emily D., I can't let this go.
Maybe in your past relationship, oral sex was "mutual", but let me assure you that 9 times out of 10, the "male sexuality as male dominance" is a basic fact when dealing with teenagers and sex.
When we hear statistics about oral sex and teenagers, we are talking about girls going down on boys -- not the other way around. I work with pregnant/parenting teenagers, who reveal a great deal about their sexuality in surveys we occasionally give them. The most alarming statistic (in my opinion) from those surveys is the percentage of girls who have never been naked while having sex. It was over 70%.
Imagine that if you will.
Do you have a clearer image of what is going on here?
Probably not, because I'm sure you'll never read this.
But, Merrylynda, I hear ya sister!
You're not the only one talking about this male dominance bullshit.
Well, I can't let it go either.
The "male sexuality as male dominance" paradigm is PURE BULLSHIT, and in my experience it's usually spread by people (usually women) who do not seem to understand human sexuality.
Hypothetical: Teen boy gets blow job from teen girl.
Your analysis: male sexual dominance
My analysis: outsiders have no moral authority to comment on the right or wrong of private, consentual acts; the appropriate reactions, feelings, changes that can and should occur must come from the participants in the act; what you think or feel about it is irrelevant
Have you ever felt empowered by giving a man an incredible blow job? Have you ever felt like a sex goddess who can take a man's body and take his control over it away from him, with pleasurable results for both of you? What the fuck is wrong with that? If I am a fifteen year old girl who wants to give a blow job, but doesn't want to get one, who the fuck are you to tell me that it's wrong? Who are you to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do or feel? Who are you to overgeneralize about a topic so individualized??
When I was young, I realized that I am infatuated with the male form, absolutely driven crazy by it. When I have the chance to touch my lover's body, I do feel like I am actually worshipping it. Smelling and tasting him is actually, physically intoxicating. Now, I like that feeling. That is a feeling I get from what I do to him. It's quite different from what he does to me, and the fact that one happens when the other doesn't has very little significance.
You seem to have as narrow of a view of sex as do those you would strive to "educate".
Missconceptions about sex, morality, spirituality, love, kindness, and intimacy abound in this sick society. That is the real danger to our young ones, not the idea that some girls out there are giving head without getting any. Who are you to assume that they don't want things this way? Is it wrong for a girl to decide she is ready to experiment with sex, and wants to give a boy a blow job, but doesn't feel a desire or readiness to do anything else? I think it's wrong for you to pass any judgment at all.
I don't always take all my clothes off to have sex either. I have two kids. I'm often hurrying.
I guarantee you, my friend, I was the one sexually dominating the teenage boys in my town, and so were a lot of other girls who were not afraid to try it, not afraid to like it, and not afraid to say no just because they'd said yes before.
I don't think you know anything about teen sexuality. I think you have hang ups and insecurities that color your perception of facts.
If you work with pregnant teens/teen parents, you are extrapolating truths from the wrong sample of individuals. These are the kids who suffered most from the misinformation and perversion of the truth about sex and sexuality. Obviously they would be the ones with the most fucked up attitudes about it. But to generalize from there is intellectually dishonest and frankly, seems to be derived in you from your own baggage.
Sex is not the problem. Society's hypocritical, dysfunctional take on sex is the problem. And, no the problem is not just the guys. IT TAKES THE COOPERATION OF BOTH GENDERS TO CREATE GENDER INEQUALITY.
There is no male or female sexuality. There is human sexuality. You are part of the problem if you can't realize it. Male sexuality is not male dominance, and the concept, is indeed, bullshit.
And yes, I've read Dworkin and she's about as on track as Freud was. They are both idiots!!!
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